3 Reasons Why You’re The Perfect Mom – Do you know how amazing you are? Do you believe you’re the perfect mom?
These are questions I would’ve answered with a resounding “NO!” if you’d asked me that ten years ago. I had four kids at home: 15, 13, 12, and 8. My 15-year-old ran out of the house, again, for who knows how long this time; a day, two days maybe… going who knows where. My 12- and 13-year-old daughters were in the depths of middle school drama and repeatedly reminded me of how much I “didn’t understand.” My 8-year-old? He battled depression and anxiety and didn’t know where he fit within the cyclone of chaos I called my life.
Too many tears wet my cheeks, trying to answer the question, “What am I doing wrong?” Day after day, grasping for any resemblance of an answer that would ease my pain. I was feeling tired, inadequate, and afraid of the future.
Looking back, I have compassion for that mom. All she wanted was to believe she was a good mom, who had happy children, but all she could see was how much she was failing. One small phrase could’ve changed how she saw everything.
First, what makes the perfect mom?
I guess to answer that, you’d have to define, what makes the perfect mom? Did you know that you are the one who gets to decide what a perfect mom is? That’s right! There’s a slew of moms we can refer to throughout history to create our idea of what defines a perfect mom.
June Cleaver from Leave It To Beaver, who always managed to have a handle on her two sons while keeping her house tidy and looking immaculate herself.
Lorelai Gilmore with her quick-wit and enchanting smile she’d make after making a mistake.
Abigail Adams, wife of our 2nd president, John Adams, who often single-handedly ran their farm, wrote supporting letters for women’s rights and the abolition of slavery; all while educating their five survived children—including the future president John Quincy Adams.
Maybe it’s your own mother who inspires you. With her no-nonsense, get-it-done attitude and all with a smile. Yep, that’s my mom! Whoever your role model is, with all the amazing qualities she possesses, I guarantee they are accompanied by messy, not-so-perfect qualities too.
So, if you get to decide the kind of mom you are, why not decide you ARE the perfect mom? I get it. Easier said than done.
- We each have our own unique strengths and weaknesses. I believe that this life is about growth and that there’s a God who knows exactly what we need to create that. Our children are one way to stretch and strengthen who we are. To push us to our limits and to feel the broadest array of emotions. Your child is perfect for you, and you are perfect for your child. Together you create the perfect recipe for growth. Of course it’s going to be hard! If you question if you’re doing it wrong, you’re doing it right!
- You know what makes you happy, and this is perfect! You love your kids, and that’s why you want them to be happy. We think if we focus on what they need to do to be happy, this will allow us to be happy, too. We think that we are in charge of their happiness, but we are not. We are in control of our own happiness, and they are in charge of theirs. This is perfect! You are the perfect mom to be modeling what it looks like to choose happiness, even when people aren’t behaving how you want. Not that you should be happy all the time, but you always have the power to choose.
- You are already enough. You were enough when you were born, and you’ll be enough when you die. You will never feel enough as long as you’re feeding yourself the lie that your worth is changeable. Believing in your inherent “enoughness” gives you the perfect opportunity to decide who you want to be as a mom and a person and then allow that to be the motivation that drives what you do.
What’s that one small phrase that could’ve changed how I saw everything?
I am the exact mom my children need.
You are an amazing mom AND you’re a messy mom. Listen, maybe you think you aren’t doing a good job or aren’t measuring up to your idea of the mother you want to be. Maybe that’s true in some way, but you know what else I know? I also know that you are amazing! You are the perfect mom that your child needs and you are doing it all exactly how your children need it. You are offering your child the full life experience.
I promise, when you give up the idea that you need to be amazing all the time and accept the idea that you’re messy sometimes, you will open up a whole new world for yourself. You’ll start to see a change in how you feel, which will change how you treat yourself and everyone around you. I promise you, but if you’d like help with this, please come and see me.
Hey, I love you all. Remember, you are amazing and you’re messy! And… you are loved!
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