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Mirror Moments: How Others Reflect Who You Are

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Mirror Moments: How Others Reflect Who You Are

Mirror Moments: How Others Reflect Who You Are

“Magic mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest one of all?” Okay, so you may not be like the evil witch in Snow White. Nevertheless, in an age of selfies and narcissistic tendencies, you might consider the person you are looking at in the mirror and what the people around you are, perhaps reflecting back. What do your relationships say about you?

Seriously, contemplate how characteristics of others within your close quarters may, in some form, be showing up in you. When someone is upsetting, bugging, or frustrating you, look to see if those irritations are your traits getting mirrored back. You may not be the fairest one of all and may even be a bit of an evil queen who needs to do some cleaning up within yourself.

I work as a television producer, and there is a story producer I have known for years. We were once doing a particularly challenging show. The location was challenging, the talent was challenging, the network was challenging, and the timeline was challenging. However, no matter what was going on or how crazy it was, this story producer was always kind. Every person she met, every email she signed, and every phone call was enveloped in kindness. As a result, she always got cooperation.

As I kept noticing this about her, I started to look at how I communicated with people and the reactions I was getting. I cannot say I scored as high as that story producer. She was far more patient than I was. So, I tried to emulate her, and guess what? I started seeing that people were much more receptive. I was getting back what I was putting out—this seems like a simple and obvious lesson. Yet, like myself, it is not always easily practiced for many, especially when feeling rushed and stressed. Grace under pressure is a good one to keep trying to master for everyone’s sake.

That is one part. The other is noticing when people are consistently showing up…
  • With inaccessible feelings
  • Not fully disclosing their feelings
  • Acting toward you in a way that has you feeling used
  • With judgment, criticism, and lack of support
  • As envious, selfish, and self-centered in a hurtful way
Take a beat to ask yourself…
  • Are my feelings inaccessible?
  • Do I withhold my feelings?
  • Do I use and abuse myself? Do I do that to others?
  • Am I too judgmental, critical, and unsupportive of myself and others?
  • Am I envious?
  • Am I selfish and self-centered in a hurtful way to myself and others?

Chances are that the answer is a resounding “yes” to at least one of these. Those who show up in your life often reflect how you show up for yourself and others. They are a mirror for how you behave and an insight into how loving you are to yourself.

If you view someone as critical and unforgiving, take a good look at where this exists inside you. When you search and find that part, ask if you can love yourself enough to forgive yourself for being critical and judgmental toward yourself. Can you forgive those around you for being critical and judgmental toward you? Once you forgive yourself and them, let all the criticism and judgment go because it is not serving you. It never did and never will. This release is essential. It is the key to self-acceptance, self-esteem, and, ultimately, self-preservation.

When I started doing this self-reflection, I also spent time looking at all my relationships. I thought long and hard about the kind of people I wanted in my life and, more importantly, those I did not because they were unhealthy for me to be around. Disconnecting from some of those relationships was a tough yet necessary choice. The company you keep affects how you love and view yourself, which impacts your level of happiness and, in turn, influences how you interact with the world.

This relationship assessment includes considering your family. While you cannot choose your biological parents and siblings, you can choose whom you call family. The community around you can create a pantheon of those who will care about your whole being (mind, body, and spirit) and support your personal and professional endeavors. Keep those who make you feel good and lose the rest. That does not mean you do not talk to these people if they come around. You just do not go out of your way to engage them. If you must engage them professionally, if they are related to you, you will now know how to deal with them and have boundaries. There will be a term of engagement and a value set on their words and actions.

Learn to see who you are dealing with, are they friends, family, or foes? More importantly, what are they reflecting back to you? Both are acts of self-love and self-preservation. Save yourself from the evil queens inside and around you.

This article is an excerpt from “Take a Shot at Happiness: How to Write, Direct & Produce the Life You Want.” Voted “Best Personal Development Book of the Year” by this magazine and the recipient of the Silver Nautilus Book Award 2024, which recognizes books that promote spiritual growth, conscious living, and high-level wellness. Gift: pages from my book.

You can find more intentional practices in my book or by downloading my Take a Shot at Happiness app.

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