Are You Helping Others But Hurting Yourself? – Do you take care of others before you consider what you need? Are you often exhausted and drained or overscheduled? Does feeling good by helping others sometimes stop feeling so good? Are your acts of kindness leaving you feeling less than kind at times?
If you answered yes, you might be a dedicated giver and helper, but it’s crucial to ensure you’re not harming yourself in the process.
Balance, in all things, MUST be maintained. There’s a cycle to giving and receiving; if you’re always giving, then you aren’t receiving.
“You aren’t helping another IF it’s costing YOU!”
In a world where compassion and service are celebrated, and much-needed virtues, being a giver is admirable. There’s something heartwarming about knowing you’ve made a positive impact on someone’s life. We all love the helpers, the givers, and the pleasers—they’re wired to give.
But there’s a fine line between being altruistic and overgiving/people-pleasing.
What can you do to ensure your selflessness doesn’t come at the cost of your own well-being? There are ways to embrace your amazing giving qualities while still establishing effective boundaries to protect your time, energy, and happiness.
–Understand Your Giving Nature —
Before diving into the world of boundaries, it’s essential to recognize and embrace your identity as a helper.
Helpers, whether they identify as pleasers or not, share a wonderful desire to make a positive difference in the lives of others.
Their brains are wired in such a way that they might get a dopamine hit when helping another. Deriving deep satisfaction from being of service, they are often celebrated for their empathy, emotional intelligence, and generosity.
They are the people you can count on, who show up and do the work.
However, sometimes, the journey of a helper can become a treacherous one.
The term “people pleaser” has gotten a bad rap recently; typically, they’re people who engage in “overgiving,” which means they prioritize the needs and wishes of others over their own.
They go to great lengths to ensure others’ happiness, even if it means neglecting their own well-being. Saying “no” feels hard, and they may feel an overwhelming sense of responsibility for meeting the demands of everyone around them.
They jump in to help before they are even asked, believing it to be a virtue.
–The Pitfalls of People-Pleasing–
It’s commendable to be kind and considerate, but if your acts of kindness are hurting you, it’s time to reevaluate your approach. The reality is that you aren’t genuinely helping another if it’s costing you your happiness and health. The dopamine hits, and the sense of being a good friend, co-worker, or family member can be addictive, but they shouldn’t come at the price of your own well-being.
–Establish Effective Boundaries–
To continue making a positive impact on the world while safeguarding your own happiness, it’s essential to set effective boundaries.
Here are some practical tips to help you strike a balance:
1. Know Yourself: Understand your strengths and weaknesses. Knowing what you excel at and where you struggle will guide you in creating the boundaries you need the most.
2. Communicate Clearly: Be transparent about your needs and wants. Let others know when you need time for self-care or when a particular request is too much for you to handle. It’s okay to say “no” and take time for yourself!
3. Be Assertive: Don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself. Assertiveness is a crucial skill for maintaining boundaries without damaging relationships. Assertion is strength, and it’s not harsh or cruel.
4. Limit Your Commitments: Set limits on your time and energy. Avoid over-committing by saying “yes” to everything, and prioritize tasks that align with your values and well-being first. Ask what you need, then seek to help others.
5. Self-Care Matters: Take care of yourself physically and emotionally. You can’t pour from an empty cup, so make self-care a non-negotiable part of your routine. Ask what you need right now, here, today.
6. Seek Support: Reach out to friends, family, or a coach for support. They can provide valuable insight and encouragement as you navigate your journey toward balanced giving.
7. Embrace Imperfection: Forgive yourself for making mistakes along the way. Boundary-setting is a skill that takes time to master, and slip-ups are part of the process. I teach my clients boundaries are a practice, and learning them means wins and slip-ups.
8. Celebrate Your Wins: Acknowledge your successes in maintaining healthy boundaries and taking care of yourself. Celebrate the moments when you prioritize your own well-being. Build on those feelings to do it more often.
Being a helper is a beautiful trait, but it should never come at the expense of your own happiness and health! Or your emotional well-being.
Remember, it’s okay to set boundaries, and you don’t have to be harsh or cruel. You also don’t have to do everything people ask of you.
As you continue to make a positive impact on the world, remember taking care of yourself is not selfish—it’s essential. By burning out, you won’t help anyone. So honor the giver within you, establish those boundaries, and find the perfect balance between making a difference in others’ lives and preserving your own well-being.
You’ve got this!
Connect with Theresa Byrne: https://theresabyrne.taplink.ws
More articles from our VIP Executive Contributor, Theresa Byrne.