From People Pleasing & Self Sacrifice To Authenticity: Re-orienting Your Emotional Architecture – Embracing Accountability And Liberation; Loves Evolution From Dependency To Empowerment The pictures and movements that cross my mind in what I just experienced have yet to catch up. Maybe, I am trying to outrun my own habitual self sacrifice. The martyrdom that lets me be justified in being angry, resentful and on repeat with the same mistakes and same type of partners. This feels like accountability but I am energized. Seeing myself clearly in my mistakes is freeing, the less attached I am to a partner’s perception of what they believe I should be in love, the more room I have to be me.
Finally enjoying myself in love and giving myself to another. This feels safe, holding my value within me, creating a haven to be loved in return by those capable of not just entertaining my energy but fully matching it. Oh God,…….. I really like who I am, I love them but I know if they walk away, my value is not going to lower or diminish. I can and will continue to not only be the beautiful person that I am but evolve and get to know who I am on a deeper level aligning with and sharing myself again.
Balancing Acts, Caught Between Love Languages, People Pleasing & Chronic Pain
Love is confusing enough when your empathy sits on the edge of pleasing people. Even more so when your love language is mixed with qualities like acts of service, quality time, or giving gifts. It can feel as if you are dying a thousand little deaths opening the door to be loved. Creating a balance between giving and receiving can be easily overextended, leaving you struggling to have your needs met. There is a deep imbalance in showing up fully for yourself that needs to find a home inside of the giver itself.
Alignment & Embodiment: A Guide To Authentic Expression
As an Alignment and Embodiment guide I see the world of pain through a lens of emotional integration to create alignment with our action values in how we interact with our physical bodies and world. I have been studying long term chronic pain patterns for almost 20 years. I began as a Neuromuscular retrainer working in Rehabilitative medicine which gave me the foundation to see just how much pain the body holds when our emotions and actions don’t align. People Pleasing behavior is suppression of the true self.
Here a few tips to begin re-orienting your internal compass to create safety while embracing your authentic expression. Following these tips will allow you to get a taste of what it’s like to be in one of my programs. These steps are designed to begin to allow the subconscious actions that are causing conflict to come to the surface so that they can no longer hold you back. The work you are about to do is not easy but the reward is worth the effort.
Practical Steps To Re-orienting Your Internal Compass
Step 1: Setting boundaries with yourself. This has everything to do with how, who, and when you let others drink from your cup. This isn’t selfish even though it may feel that way. It’s raising the standards to meet the level of your capability. Think of it like a college entrance exam not everyone is going to pass and not all who apply will get in. This will allow you to maintain vulnerability and an open heart.
Pay attention to the desire to give, spoil, or celebrate others and ask yourself these questions. What motivates your love languages into action? Is it a sense of external value and wanting to be loved in return? Is it a desire to celebrate the brilliance you see in someone else and do you desire to be celebrated that way in return?
Is it a social or familial norm that you love and want to share as it always makes you feel amazing and you want those you love to have it too? Be upfront about these habits, what they mean to you and start paying attention to how and who reciprocates. Allow others to meet your capacity while holding the bar at your own level.
Step 2: Be honest with yourself. When we are trying to save the feelings of others we are wasting their most precious resource (time). In return we end up spending hours in places we don’t want to be. This is actually very dishonest especially in matters of the heart. The people that love you want to know you fully. That includes the parts of you that are not perfect. This means embracing the parts of you that are uncomfortable, and possibly even rude.
To start to overcome this, pay close attention to the pressure it causes in the body. This is your intuition silently speaking up. What does it feel like? Where is it? Pay attention to this before listening to the mind. The mind is negotiating your value, let this go and listen to the discomfort the body feels. Your intuition is asking you to take a different action and express yourself.
Step 3: Respect your needs. Highly loving and compassionate people tend to feel that how thoughtful they are is one of their best qualities, making people pleasing behaviors even harder to identify. However taking care of others while suppressing our own needs, creates unhealthy and unexpressed expectations. That only perpetuates a self-fulfilling cycle of disappointment leaving you without the love and acceptance you truly desire.
Start prioritizing your needs and desires, this can look like indulging in self care routines or that desire that has been on hold. Choose one thing daily that you really secretly want and start doing it. Set just 5 mins aside a day to prioritize this activity, slowly allowing it to grow into routine.
Invitation To Transformation
There are many other ways to tap into and recalibrate the subconscious actions allowing for massive shifts in mind, body, and environment through your Emotional Architecture. If you’re ready to explore these steps further or seek personalized guidance, I invite you to join me in an Open Elevation Session as an interactive gift from me to you. Scan the QR code or follow the link to embark on a session that could redefine your journey. Let’s navigate the path to authenticity together.
Connect with AzLynn: https://linktr.ee/azlynnberry
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