Imposter, Be Gone! Unmasking the Monster & How to Battle It – Have you found yourself stuck in a cycle of working hard, accomplishing what you worked for, and then downplaying your effort? Maybe when others compliment your achievement, you start giving everyone else the credit but forget to include yourself in it. It sounds like, “Yeah, but I had a lot of help.” Or “Anyone could’ve done it.” If you find yourself falling into these traps, the monster visiting you might be Imposter Syndrome. Imposter Syndrome pretends to be useful and may even convince you that you’re just being humble; however, it ends up hurting you and keeps you playing small.
Three lies that the imposter monster tells you is: I need to be perfect, it’s all just luck, and I’m just faking it.
Lie #1: “I need to be perfect.”
The monster suggests that if I don’t make a mistake, then I will prove to myself and others that I’m competent, deserving, and worthy of recognition. This causes us to be anxious, questioning our every move and wondering if it will be acceptable.
It could cause us so much anxiety that we procrastinate what we really want, or it completely stops us from creating altogether. Even if we finish something, there’s something inside us that reaffirms that it will never be enough. I will never be enough.
The truth?
Perfection is a myth. My idea of something being perfect would be different than your idea. So, who is the one that gets to decide what’s good enough? Is there a “good enough task force” running around that I wasn’t aware of? The question is not, Am I good enough? The question is, if you were perfect, then what would you believe about yourself?
The truth is, if you believed what you wanted, there would be no need to prove it. The good news is you get to believe whatever you want about yourself! The truth is no matter what you do, you will always be worthy just because of who you are, a creation from divinity.
You are just as competent as you need to be to create whatever you want, and you deserve to celebrate all your achievements.
Lie #2: “It’s all just luck.”
We somehow think that all our hard work and dedication was because of something outside of us instead of owning up to our skills and talent. We attribute it to a fluke, or it was because of someone else, like our coach, our spouse, or our team, that this happened. So when it comes time for recognition, we hide or avoid being there because we’ve convinced ourselves that it wasn’t because of me.
If we believe this lie, we may also believe that it’ll never happen again. I mean, how lucky can one person be? The truth? It happened because of your talent and dedication. Maybe you had a team, but who led that team? So what if your spouse or coach helped? Who decided to do the work to get you there? Sometimes we believe that if we own our accomplishments, then we are letting our egos drive the boat. But the truth is, if you could picture yourself at five years old and they accomplished something great, would you tell them, “Yeah, you just got lucky!”
How would that crush that five-year-old? And yet you’re okay to do it to yourself now? There is no difference, my friend. The truth is, you are amazing, and you deserve to honor that part of you when it happens. Especially when you kept trying after you failed and tried again.
Lie #3: “I’m just faking it.”
This lie is usually accompanied by the phrase, “and I hope they don’t figure it out.” Or “I’m not as good as they think.” This belief creates a fear inside that keeps you stuck. It’s what keeps you playing small, most likely to avoid mistakes, so hopefully, they don’t find out that maybe you’re not the amazing person they think you are.
We work extra hard to keep up with the façade, and we end up working towards a life that’s not authentic to who we really are, reinforcing the belief that we’re fake. The truth is, you’re more afraid that you’ll find proof that you’re not as good as you think you should be. You’re thinking, I’m faking it; this really isn’t me. But it is you! You’re the one who stepped up and made it happen. Maybe parts of what it took to get there didn’t feel like the real you, and parts of it did. Okay, honor that.
That’s truer than thinking you faked it. Perhaps the parts that felt more fake were you practicing to become a future you, but you’re not there yet.
The truth is, there’s no upside to believing you should be better than you are. It keeps shame as the fuel you’re using to drive you to your future. I guarantee that’s not a future you’ll love. The whole truth is you’re not worse than anyone else, and you’re not better than anyone else. You’re a human that’s messy and amazing, and that’s the best part about you.
Next time the imposter monster speaks, look it in the eyes and tell it the truth. You’re done listening to it’s lies.
There’s a future that’s been waiting for you, and you’re finally ready to take it!
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