What Is Your Lovability? – What is Your Lovability? After the end of a relationship, have you ever heard someone say, “Maybe I’m not that lovable”? Or perhaps you’ve had someone tell you that you’re not very lovable. Most people believe that either they’re lovable or they’re not. It’s a common misconception that our lovability has something to do with us, but really, it doesn’t.
It’s not the likes that make us lovable.
We tend to believe that our actions and appearance determine our lovability. That’s not surprising. We live in a world where we post something on social media, and people like it, or they don’t. It’s easy to connect the false thinking that the more liked we are, the more loveable we become. We think that by behaving a certain way, we can control what people think of us. While we can sway people, the idea that our actions can control their thoughts is false. If that were the case, everyone would be thinking the same thing, and that’s impossible.
What is your lovability? Did you know that we are all 100% lovable? When we talk about lovability, it’s easier to understand when we say “love, space, ability.” Love ability changes its entire meaning.
What is your ability to love?
Do you have limits to how much you will love? If you have expectations for how people should be, then you might have limits, and it’s possible you have a cutoff point to how much you will love them. Now, it’s okay to have expectations, but what happens when those expectations aren’t met? How do you react towards them? Do you still treat them with the same love you’d treat someone else who meets your expectations?
When you disagree with someone, can you separate their behavior from their worth as a person and still love them as a priceless human being who has their own opinions? It’s true that some people are easier to love than others. But they are usually the ones who share similar beliefs and ideas with us. We don’t have to manage our thoughts about how they act, so our capacity to love them doesn’t need to be very large. It’s the people who challenge the beliefs that push us to see what our capacity to love really is.
The easiest way for you to determine if your capacity to love someone is just as high is to watch how you separate someone’s behavior from them as a person. I’ll talk more about this in my 5-minute coaching segment, so remember to click the QR code to watch!
How I limited my lovability.
Five years ago, I was a big offender and didn’t even know it. I had so many expectations of how I thought people should act, and it really limited my ability to love them. My expectations caused my relationship with myself and my children to suffer because I was expecting certain behaviors and actions out of us so I could feel good about myself.
I thought only if my children did A, B, and C, then I could think I was a good mom. I was using it as proof to myself and everyone else that I was doing everything I should be to produce successful, loving human beings. I thought I knew exactly what was best for my children, and they would suffer if they didn’t do what I was teaching them. To some extent, that was true because we have wisdom being older than them. But in other ways, I was wrong. The biggest problem was that I was the one suffering the most because I was the one feeling bad, and I wasn’t able to “feel” love to its fullest extent.
I would still love them.
But it was tainted, and I wasn’t able to get past a certain level of love because. In the background, there was also the feeling of disappointment or hurt. It was a disappointment for them because of what they were doing and a disappointment for me because maybe if they cared more for me, maybe if they loved me more, maybe if I were a better mom, then they’d behave differently.
This is dirty pain, my friends. The pain came from me, thinking if I controlled the situation, life would be so much better. It’s a pain that keeps us spinning in hurt because we can’t control others, but somehow, we still try, and we get stuck thinking over and over, “if they did this, then they’d be so much happier.” But really, what I was thinking was, “If they did this, then I could be happy.”
-Why Increasing your lovability benefits you-
What is your lovability? The higher your love ability is, the more you get to feel the love inside. When we love someone, that feeling of love cannot jump out of us and into another person. Feeling love makes us act in a certain way, which will then cause them to have thoughts, and those thoughts might make them feel loved. But the feeling of love is within us.
Our capacity to love is not limited by anyone else but by ourselves. We need to learn to love unconditionally, with the first priority to loving ourselves in all our amazing and all our messy. When we love ourselves, we are better able to love others. We need to give ourselves permission to love and be loved.
What is your love ability? Can you imagine a world where everyone’s motivating force was love? Start thinking about your capacity to love and how you can increase it. Out of love for yourself.
Connect with Amber: https://taplink.cc/myinnerlove.com
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