Your Personal Revolution Against People Pleasing – Do you often find yourself saying yes when you really want to say no? This can be different in different parts of your life. Maybe you’re good at saying no at home, but when it comes to work, you don’t want to tell your boss that you prefer to pass on a project that you know will only create problems for you. Are you saying yes to what you really don’t want to do at church? Perhaps you’re saying no, but you don’t tell the real reason why because you’re wanting to spare the other person’s feelings. Or are you saying yes and then do it with resentment because you’re not doing what you really want.
Perhaps you’re just acting a little differently then you normally word to avoid conflict. If you’ve identified with any of these situations, then you may be stuck in the cycle of people-pleasing. Being a people-pleaser means always putting others’ needs before your own, often to the point where you lose sight of your own desires and boundaries.
I want to be clear. I’m not saying that you don’t care for how you’re impacting other people around you, because that it important, but if you feel like you’re never taking your needs and care into consideration, then it might be time to ask yourself why? Are you hurting yourself in any way because of it?
Establishing boundaries, creating confidence through self-care, and self-awareness are essential for breaking free from people-pleasing and rediscovering your authentic self.
Here are three ways how to start.
1. Establishing boundaries is crucial for prioritizing your own needs and desires.
Imagine you’re at a social gathering, and someone asks you to do something that you really don’t want to do. Maybe it’s staying late at work, attending an event that doesn’t interest you, or even just agreeing with someone when you actually have a different opinion. In that moment, you have a choice. You can either say yes to please the other person, or you can assert your boundaries and say no, prioritizing your own well-being.
For many people-pleasers, saying no can be incredibly difficult. They fear conflict, rejection, or disappointing others. They worry that by asserting their boundaries, they will be seen as selfish or uncaring. However, the truth is that setting boundaries is not selfish – it’s self-care. It’s about recognizing your own needs and desires and honoring them, even if it means saying no to others.
When you are being asked to do something, if your intuition is to say no, it’s in your power to convey that you’ll need a moment to think about it and will get back to them by (and tell them a date or time). This tells them you care about them and tells you that you care about you. Taking yourself out of the immediate need to respond gives you a chance to decide if this is something you’re willing to sacrifice for them, out of love for them, but not because you’re afraid of how they will react.
By learning to say no to things that don’t align with your values or interests, you create space for the things that truly matter to you. This can be liberating and empowering, as it allows you to take control of your own life and make decisions that are in your best interest.
2. People-pleasing can erode self-confidence and lead to feelings of insecurity and unworthiness.
One of the main challenges of being a people-pleaser is the impact it can have on your self-confidence. When you constantly seek external validation and change yourself to fit in, you begin to lose sight of who you truly are. You may start to doubt your own worth and value, believing that you are not enough as you are. This can lead to feelings of insecurity, anxiety, and even depression.
Reclaim your self-confidence and assert your worth by clearly defining what you are willing and not willing to tolerate. This sends a message to yourself and others that your needs are important. This can help you feel more empowered and in control of your life, leading to greater self-confidence and self-esteem.
Knowing what you will and will not tolerate and sticking to it is the ultimate form of self-care. By prioritizing your own well-being and taking time to nurture yourself, you can build a strong foundation of self-love and self-compassion. This can help you feel more confident and empowered to assert your boundaries and make choices that are in line with your values and desires.
3. Take accountability for your life and your decisions.
Self-awareness means you are aware of your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Begin to understand why you feel the need to please others and how it impacts your life. This self-awareness can help you identify patterns and triggers that contribute to your people-pleasing tendencies, allowing you to make conscious choices that align with your authentic self.
Breaking free from the cycle of people-pleasing requires courage, self-awareness, and a commitment to self-care. Establishing boundaries, practicing saying no, and prioritizing your own needs, means you are ready to reclaim your self-confidence and rediscover your authentic self. Remember, you are worthy of love and respect, and you deserve to prioritize yourself. So, embrace your boundaries, honor your needs, and step into the fullness of who you are.
- Connect with Amber: https://taplink.cc/myinnerlove.com
- Access more articles from our VIP Executive Contributor Amber Winn.
