Your Reality Is A Reflection of Your Inner Self – Before I realized that everything in my life was a reflection of my inner world, I struggled to accept people as they were. I often felt disappointed in others, unable to see the good in their efforts and instead focusing on what they didn’t do.
This pattern left me feeling constantly let down by people’s performance at work and in relationships. Only after beginning my spiritual journey, following a series of draining relationships and career moves, I uncovered a deeper truth: I was projecting my inner judgments outward.
As I started to examine the walls I’d built within, I realized I was holding people at a distance and judging them, not because I wanted to, but because that was how I treated myself.
I couldn’t see the value in my efforts or offer myself any compassion for mistakes. This inner cycle of self-judgment and lack of compassion was one of the biggest insights I gained from years of searching for why fulfillment seemed just out of reach.
Ancient Wisdom: Relationships as Mirrors
Ancient Persian mystics, known as Sufis, held that every relationship is a mirror, reflecting our inner world. They taught that our relationships reveal aspects of ourselves—wounds to heal, strengths to recognize, and flaws to accept. According to this wisdom, when we struggle to accept something in others, it’s often a quality within ourselves yearning for compassion.
In a society focused on “fixing” or “improving” ourselves, we may overlook the reflective nature of relationships. But rather than seeing these mirrors as obstacles, we could view them as opportunities to release old patterns. When we stop judging and allow our relationships to teach us, we begin to free ourselves from the burdens of the past.
Steps to Look Inward and Heal Through Reflection
These steps aren’t about changing anyone else; they’re about exploring your inner world, healing past wounds, and adopting a more compassionate approach to yourself and others.
1. Identify the Trigger
Observe what specifically triggers you in another person. Is it your partner’s indecisiveness, your child’s defiance, or your coworker’s lack of punctuality? These are clues, highlighting qualities within you that may need healing. Make a list of the traits that trigger you, and consider whether these reflect parts of yourself that you struggle to accept.
2. Ask: Is This Standard I’m Holding Realistic?
We often set impossibly high standards for ourselves, formed in childhood and reinforced over the years. Ask yourself: Are the standards I hold for myself and others realistic? Take the example of my client, E, who felt the need to be “enough” in her mother’s eyes to feel worthy. This early pattern became her default, leaving her no room for mistakes and compassion. As a result, she held her coworkers to a similar impossible standard, continuing the cycle of disappointment.
3. Trace the Root: Who First Made You Feel This Way?
Our expectations are often shaped by our earliest relationships, especially with family members, teachers, and community figures. Reflect on whether anyone from your past made you feel inadequate or unworthy. By identifying these influences, you can start to understand that these standards aren’t absolute, they’re learned and can be changed.
4. Practice Self-Compassion
Self-compassion may sound simple, but it’s one of the most transformative tools for healing. By treating yourself with kindness, you release the grip of self-criticism, allowing others to be who they are without judgment. The Persian mystic Rumi said, “Your task is not to seek for love, but seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”
When you practice self-compassion, you begin dismantling these barriers, making room for self-acceptance—and ultimately, accepting others as they are.
5. Use a Mantra or Affirmation for Releasing Judgment
Affirmations are powerful tools for rewiring our habitual thoughts.
Try using phrases like:
“I release myself from the need to be perfect.”
“I am enough as I am, and so are others.”
“I let go of unrealistic expectations.”
Repeat these whenever judgment arises, and over time, you’ll notice that both your relationships and self-acceptance start to shift.
Embracing the Mirror
This approach isn’t about lowering standards or settling; it’s about freeing yourself from perfectionism and judgment.
Rumi said, ‘The beauty you see in me is a reflection of you.’ Embrace this reflection, and in doing so, embrace the beauty within yourself and those around you.
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- Read More from our Executive Contributor, Parinaz Shams.
